How to Actually Take Care of Yourself as an Autism Parent (Not the Bubble Bath Version)

The advice you get, when you get any at all, goes something like this: Remember to take care of yourself, mama. You can't pour from an empty cup. Have you tried a bubble bath? A massage? Maybe a girls' trip? Self-care isn't selfish — you matter too! And if you're an autism parent reading that, you probably had one of two reactions: a hollow laugh, or a flash of guilt because you can't even figure out how to want those things anymore. The bubble bath advice isn't wrong because you don't deserve nice things. It's wrong because it fundamentally misunderstands the problem. The problem isn't that you haven't scheduled enough "me time." The problem is that your nervous system has been running a low-grade emergency for years, and a 90-minute spa appointment doesn't reach that. Let's talk about what actually does.